Opening the Season with a Bang

But really by Mr. Adrian Thorogood.

It is the 2010 Wanderer’s home opener against Sherbrooke. Social networking guru and winger Matthew Barazin gives the pre-game speech: “Let’s show these farmers how men with Twitter play rugby!” Perhaps finding Matt’s incoherent clichés hard to digest, second row Adam Barrette slinks off to one side of the huddle and pukes his guts out. Despite only clocking 15 minutes, he still manages to leave ‘it all’ on the field.

Sick rugby from the Wanderers ensues. Here are the Try-lights, in no particular order: Stu Young breaks out like that Mexican kid’s acne and dishes to center Jon Dextras to score first. Ryan “Lawnmower-man” Leenhootz slices through the defense for a 5-yarder. Matt Barazin beats his man on the wing, exasperates his own team by cutting away from his support players, but his speed burst shows he doesn’t need them as he goes in from 40. A miscarriage in the Sherbrooke line-out is booted up field by Karl “kick-the-baby” Cernovitch. He demonstrates his youthfulness by outpacing everyone and smothering the ball in the corner like it’s one of his palliative care patients.

Jon “greedy as Berlusconi” Dextras spurns his winger and fullback waiting for the pass outside and muscles his way in for his second try. Wing Maxime Lessard snarls through to score in the corner. 2nd row Ted McGregor gallops down the sideline for his own try – conjuring up images of a young Forrest Gump.

Several more tries are scored with Sherbrooke only mustering a single, albeit impressively long, penalty kick. The last nail in the nail-ridden coffin is a rainbow pass from Stu Young to Dextras but frustrated fullback Adrian Thorogood picks off his own teammate’s pass to score the final try.

The Final score, 58 to 3. The Wanderer’s bask in victorious sunshine after the game. Caleb Balloch, especially intimidating when shirtless and doing a hipflexor stretch, debates rugby rules with the referee. Celebrations commence at Bar de Rapides, where a drunken, bibbed Jaffrey tells stories of debauchery, Max Lessard evens out his tan in a cut-off T and Jon Dextras makes advances on the Barely Legal Bud Light Lime Girl.

To close with a couplet when all’s said and done,
Wanderer’s rugby – keeping it classy in Verdun.